truth be told

"Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you." Jeremiah 31:3 (NKJ)

Monday, January 31, 2005

A Harp?

I was re-reading my journal from last year at about this one point I had written a one-liner that made me laugh out loud as I read:

"There's a harp in my heart that only You can play."

It made me laugh but it also made me think. Jesus does touch those hidden places in my heart that no one else in the entire world knows about! He is the master at playing the harp, in this case, and He does so with grace, sensitivity and talent that will blow your mind away!

Amen. Go Jesus! Strum away!

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

a swelling oasis and weapons of truth

Oasis. A place of safety, security and sanctuary. Refreshment found amidst a sun-scorched desert. Jesus is my oasis. Thankfully my life isn't always (usually, even) a sun-scorched desert. I have many blessings to count...

I'm feeling frail. Drained. In need of my Savior.
Part of me hates feeling this way and part of me gets so excited because of what God is going to do!

Usually in the midst of feeling like crap (quite frankly) God takes us, shapes us and draws us closer to Himself. I want this. I've asked for this. Lord, may I have this! (not the crappy feelings but the transformation)

I know that in Christ alone I will find rest, peace, strength, joy, worth and the ultimate love and devotion!

Worth. That has been my struggle this week, if I were to sum it up. I know I find my worth in God and God alone! Oh, I can look in other places such as friends, family, success, beauty, how many people comment on my blog (hee hee, just kidding!) but that is only a momentary fix, a false sense of worth.

Worth in God comes from deep within. It begins at the core of our beings where we feel the most ache, loneliness, excitement, fear and joy and then spreads throughout. Placing my worth in anything but God leaves me drained (from working hard to gain that acceptance), feeling rejected and discouraged. It leaves me discontent and wanting more - which is sometimes a good thing! However, it can also leave me hurt and frustrated - which just plain sucks.

I'm still excited, though. Once I learn this truth (and remember this lesson, hopefully. It feels like I've been through learning it many times!!) I will have more to give to others, will be more fully alive in God and will have another large obstacle to overcome by God's grace with another life-lesson tucked under my belt ; )

Hey, imagine the lessons we have learned in life as added components to our Armor of God. I've never thought of it that way (or it's just a renewed revelation?). For example, once God's truth is "stamped" or sealed over the area in my life regarding worth it will be very hard for the enemy to attack me in that area...and if he does, I'll have already learned my lesson and instead of listening to his crap I'll run straight into the arms of my Father! So, he can attack but God's truth is my protection. Amen! (I hope that makes sense?)

"Be prepared. You're up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it's all over but the shouting you'll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You'll need them throughout your life. God's word is an indispensable weapon." (The Message)

God You make me worthy. May I run to You and You alone to find my worth. Amen!

Thursday, January 20, 2005

You Ravish Me

Batter my heart, three personed God; for you
As yet but knock, breathe, shine and seek to mend.
That I may rise and stand, o'erthrow me and bend
Your force, to break, blow, burn and make me new,
I, like an usurped town, to another due,
Labor to admit you, but, oh, to no end;
Reason, your viceroy in me, me should defend;
But is captive and proves weak or untrue.

Yet dearly I love you and would be loved fain;
But am betrothed unto your enemy;
Divorce me, untie or break that knot again,
Take me to you, imprison me, for I,
Except you enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.
(John Donne, "Batter My Heart")

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

The Sweet Smell of Childhood Memories!

As I kid whenever winter rolled around my dad would haul out the old, worn snowmobiles thus beginning our wonderful winter adventures! I enjoyed these chilly adventures of tearing up the nearby fields with my dad and two siblings!

The smell of gas and exhaust would permeate our nostrils as we bounced around on the back of the snowmobile. We would come home pooped from the cold and physical activity of trying to stay on the tube, GT's or whatever else was used to pull us around.

We would run into the house full of snow, noses running and cheeks beaming red, to be greeted with the wonderful, comforting smell of my mom's fresh homemade brownies. These were the best brownies ever made! My mom would scoop us a portion of brownie and ice cream and we were free to enjoy! I love those memories! They're a part of my childhood that I hope to continually be thankful for and never forget.

Last night was like stepping back into my childhood - only this time I was the one making the brownies in my own apartment with my own roommate after we had come back from skating in a community center in this big place we call "the city"! (Compared to Mitchell, that is) It was wonderful!

Marcia (my roomie) and I started our lovely adventure at Sobey's. We picked up some New Bothwell cheese (the best!), some cocoa, ice cream, a pineapple and milk! Then we trotted into the hell-hole called St. Vital mall. Kay, I'm being a little harsh. I actually didn't mind being at the mall yesterday. We got our pics developed at Wal-Mart, bought some long-johns and a lamp for our living room and took advantage of West 49's half price sale. (All I have to say is that you have a hot hoodie, Marce ; )

From there our journey lead us home where I made the brownie batter while she set up the lamp. Then we added some more layers and headed out the door to the community center a few blocks away. We had the entire public skating rink to ourselves! Actually, we had to share it with the guy who was clearing all of the snow off the rink and showing off with his awesome snow plow! (Yes, I did practice my amazing hockey-style stopping abilities Christina and Cam! I am getting better!) The fact that there was no one else on that rink provided a great opportunity to practice our interpretive dancing skills while lying on the freezing ice looking up at the orange-ish/pink-ish sky! God is so good! I was so thankful to be alive, independent, outside and a girl with a roommate! It was awesome! Thank you Jesus for all of your blessings!

When we got home our cheeks were blazing red (it was freakin' cold and windy on the walk home) and we were ready for some brownies!! I popped the pan into the oven and thirty minutes later we were enjoying the smell and taste of fresh homemade brownies and vanilla ice cream! It wasn't as good as my moms brownies (because they simply weren't my moms brownies) but the smell made me miss her! I love my mom and am so thankful for all that she has done for me!

So, I raise a toast to those wonderful, sweet smelling childhood memories, good ole parents and super-fantastic roommates!! Cheers to all and to all a good evening!!!

Sunday, January 16, 2005

A Date and A Half!

That is exactly what Friday night was! I got a phone call at just after 7:00 pm from my sister and her hubby inviting me out on a date!! It was so fun and such an encouragement! We can't double date quite yet (which is fine...for now) so we had a date and a half! I am so blessed!

We enjoyed a splendid meal (with appetizer!!!) at Moxies in St. Vital mall. All I have to say is bring on the strawberry marguerita's - or according to Kristi, Hawaiian Honey!! They're amazing! After the fantastic food and great conversation we made our way down to Silver City and watched "In Good Company". It was an alright movie...I'd say a renter. The greatest surprise was randomly seeing our mother and her good friend, Esther, making their way out of the theatre! They were wonderfully generous and hilariously stuffed our jacket pockets with their leftover twizzlers, m&m's and skittles which they had previously snuck into the theatre! It was so good to see them both!

Lord, bless Kris and Shane! Thank you so much for their generosity in both money and time! Kristi, let's have more of those dates! I really had a good time with you guys! I love you both! (hee hee, like the paragraphs ; )

This has been one fantastic weekend! On Saturday I got to sleep in until 20 minutes till 11:00 and woke up to the phone ringing. I was greeted with my brothers voice saying he was headed towards my house...I was a little confused because I had just woken up and I wasn't too sure about the details to begin with. It was great, though. Then my beloved mother took my grocery shopping with her van! Blessed vans! So, I got to grab some grub and stock up my fridge and cupboards, which is always lovely!

That was just the beginning of a great weekend! Thank you Jesus for weekends! I pray that I will take advantage of every second of 'em! I hope you all had a super-fantastic weekend, as well!

I'm headed off to WCV for Encounter God Night in a little while and I'm stoked about what God's going to do!?!! Lord, would you prepare my heart for what you have in store....I LOVE YOU JESUS! God bless, everyone!

Friday, January 14, 2005

The cost.

Jesus requires all of me. This is an exciting, overwhelming and scary thought. Am I cut out for this? Am I willing and able to give up my everything for Jesus? Yes! No. It's a struggle. I may be willing (sometimes) but I am definitely not able, not without the grace of God!
My brain sometimes rebels against my heart and tries to shove "earthly" logic down my throat telling me that I'm crazy for loving someone I cannot see, for hearing someone I've never audibly heard, for living my life for someone who "doesn't exist". This is a lie. I may be crazy (that's debatable) but God is real, he is speaking, he is tangible and not only does he exist but I'm living my life for someone who died to give me life!
When I think about the sacrifices already made in my life and the many more I'm sure that are to come I tremble at the thought. I hate loss. It is a foul four letter word. I go to God complaining and crying "woe to me" about the many forms that loss has crept into my life. God knows all about loss. He has experienced so much more loss than I could ever imagine! He gave His one and only Son to die for me! Jesus experienced so much loss on earth...those He loved betrayed Him, nailed Him to a cross and hated Him in return. (Still He loved them!!) This revelation hit me like a brick today as I was contemplating the next steps in my life. In all things I want to glorify God and bring honor to His Name! This will take sacrifice. Loss will be a part of this journey. There is such comfort in knowing that God is bigger than loss. He's bigger than my tendencies to hold on to people and things that I love! God is bigger and I will find more love in Him than in my awesome family and friends. (Jesus, bless my awesome family and friends!)
I'm taking a course on Christlikeness and this is just a part of what I was reading today:
"There is no shortcut to reaching the fullness of God's kingdom. It costs our all to obtain God's best. It takes us straight to the cross, then through it. At the cost of our self-life we find the devine life. To this we are called and challenged: to walk according to the gospel of
the kingdom!"
We are called to this! It costs our all! Just take a moment, though, to imagine the reward of seeing God's smiling face and hearing "well done! Good and faithful servant!" That will be an amazing day!
So, these days God has been telling me that I need to let go and stop holding, clutching, to people and things that are not Him. Instead of running to places of security and joy I need to first and foremost run into the arms of my Savior! In His arms I will find complete peace, joy, strength, fulfillment....LIFE!
Jesus, would you teach me how to run to you! I chose You! I say YES to You! Father, I give You my heart, my desires and plans. Would You lead me! God, when the sacrifices seem too great for me would I be willing and would You be able! Lord, the thought of potentially leaving this place and these people that I love makes me sad. Would You be my strength, my portion. I put my hope in You and not in the things of this world. Thank you, Father, that Your grace is sufficient for me. In You I lack nothing. I trust in You, Jesus. Lead me. I will follow.

all for you.
by Starfield

Nothing compares to/ Life I have in You/ Nothing of this world satisfies/ So, I want to let go/ I want to let You know/ All that I have to give is Yours// Here I am/ As gold to the fire/ I will surrender to Your hand/ To this place/ Lord, I have come ready for Your touch// It's all for You/ It's all for You/ I'm letting go/ I'm letting go// What is it in me/ That hangs on for so long?/ Why do I fight the tears that come?/ I work so hard to/ Keep in control when/ All that I want is to let go// I'll take this life/ And lay it down/ I'm letting go/ I'm letting go/ My hopes and dreams/ Here at Your feet/ I'm letting go/ I'm letting go// And I am ready for Your life/ And I'm ready for You now.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Simple excitement!

Only one month till my 20th birthday! I am a birthday fanatic!

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Watch out world here he comes!!!

Ahum. (clear my throat)..I've got an announcement to make... Congratulations to Mr. Shaun Andrew Jackson Reimer the 5th (no, not really) on getting his driver's license yesterday!!! (Shaun I hope you don't mind that I'm posting you?) It's crazy. He's my little brother, well not so little now, and he's driving! that you can drive this means that you can be my little servant and drive me everywhere I ask, whether you like it or not?!!!!? Maahaaaha! We can take over the world together with mom's Dodge Caravan, right Pinky?!
I'm so proud of you little driver boy! This is exciting and hopefully means that you can come out and chill with me more often! That would be sweet! I love you, Shaun! Congrats!

WARNING: To everyone else on the road - move out of his way! If you hear the loud thumping of bass and the occasional squeal of a tire know this: That's my brother and he is a good driver! Man, kids, we're getting old!

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

A short story for sisters.....

So, this is a little story for my sister and anyone out there who has a sister. Don't mind the randomly occuring events or bad grammar. I wrote this in only a few minutes as I was slacking at work because there is nothing to do!! Kristi, I love you! You are wonderful and you mean a whole lot to me! I don't expect this story to touch any warm, fuzzy place in your heart but you make me happy, warm and...fuzzy! Okay...enjoy!!

Once upon a time, in a desert wilderness, there wandered a three-horned rhinoceros. This three-horn was all alone, with nothing but a pink balloon tied to her right front hoof. She looked disoriented from afar, but as you drew near you could see that it was both heat stroke and sadness in the still, small form of a tear on her leathery cheek that gave her away - she was not only disoriented, she was lost.
Her herd was moving from the Water Hide Away to Paradise Found and during the transition and commotion Pryn, this lone three-horn, got lost. Pryn was just a little three-horn, with all horns just 3 inches high. She was not ready to be on her own, independent in the wilderness. O No! She still needed her mommy-horn and daddy-horn to keep her well fed and safe.
(You may be asking about the pink balloon...this was something she had stumbled into, so to speak, on her journey thus far.) She had been lost for about 4 days, now, and it had been a frightening time! She had wandered into the Hyenas Night Club and was shocked and scared by what she had witnessed. From there she took off running and ended up at the circus where the many little children tried to capture her with their balloons...but only one child had managed to strike the mark - hence the pink balloon.
Pryn had done her best not to injure anyone amidst fleeing for safety but was saddened because as she fled she heard a shreekish noise from behind her, that of a little girl now left without her pink balloon. Pryn didn't dare slow down or stop. But as she ran the tears came in abundance. She was sad. She was hungry. She was tired. Pryn needed a hug from her sister. That's who she missed the most, her sister Praney. Praney was just a little older than Prynn but they were inseparable. They did everything together - from going on wild, imaginary adventures to swimming in Mud Creek to eating exotic bugs found under large boulders and logs. As she wandered in the desert alone she looked into the quickly-fading sky and breathed a long, sad, hopeless breath. What would she do tonight? With no one to protect her, no one to snuggle with to keep warm....these thoughts could overwhelm her.
As she began looking for a place to sleep she heard a ruckus from one of the bushes ahead.
Could it be a lion? she thought. Hopefully not! She was not strong enough to defend herself nor had she been old enough to join the Learn How to Act Dead To Survive Lion Attacks classes. O how handy that would have been at this moment. The noise continued to get louder and louder. Pryn hit the hard, desert ground and covered her head with her hooves. What she couldn't see wasn't there, at least that's what she liked to think. She lay paralyzed with fear for what seemed like eternity. Only when she heard the repetitive "thump thump" of someone or something hitting the pink balloon did she have the strength to peak out of her safe cove. To her utter surprise and delight Praney was looking down at her with a smile of delight on her face, the pink balloon being tossed by the wind into her three horns. The sisters squealed in excitement and relief. Together they ran into the sunset towards their parents and the long-lost happiness of the comfort of family and friends made Pryn's heart soar. The End

Saturday, January 01, 2005

this year and the next.

Happy New Year's!! I had such a blast last night and this morning! I'm a little tired still but that's A OK because sleep is overrated, right Joel?! mr. Agustin himself and a few of his awesome roomies were nice enough to open their home to a few of us last night...this morning! It's was awesome! Thanks so much guys! You're the best! The evening featured a non-existent countdown (which was hilarious), random events compiled into a movie called Napoleon Dynamite and all I have to say is...radical home videos of winter activities in Wpg! We need to capture our creative, somewhat stupid, ideas on video! Last night kicked butt! We found a way to go snowboarding without any included a rope, a board, a boarder, a truck, a driver and lots of laughs and moments of "reversal aggravation"! Good times! Thanks Joel for letting us "baby-sit the kids" while you were out and I'm sorry if I broke your truck by getting stuck all the bloody time, Kyle! Good year to ya'll!
So, here we are. It's 2005. 2004 was a beautiful, painful, lovely, wonderful, complex, broken, growth-filled year! I wouldn't change it for the world! Well, maybe one thing....but that's another story. Thank you, Father, for everything that you are and all that you've done! I've had some of my saddest and hardest moments (losing a friend, meeting a long lost "friend"..) and some of my most exciting and rewarding experiences (my sisters wedding, getting baptized, meeting a long lost "friend"..) God is so faithful! If I were to sum up this year (heck, not possible) I would say this: God's promises are true! His promises never to leave us or forsake us, to heal us, to love us, to save us and the extravagant, unending list of God's faithful promises goes on...
I desire so much for this next year and I am so excited for what God is going to do! This is a significant year! Raise up Your army, Jesus! Lord, continue the work that You've started in me and bring it to completion! I had a moment of revelation this afternoon - I'm alive (which I'm so excited about!) to get to know this Awesome, Perfect, Loving (Agghh no words describe) being called God. It was a huge, simple moment. I want to get to know Jesus and live with Him and love Him like no one else. He made me - ME! - because He loves me and He delights in me! He made YOU because He loves and delights in you! Wow! I am truly blessed. I am also truly tired at the moment.
Jesus, I give you this year. Would you use me to do Your will! May my life be a fragrant offering to You! I love you, God! Consume me with Your unquenchable Fire! Capture me, never let me go. Father, You are good, You are just, You are truth, You are beauty, You are magnificent...!!! "The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." (Zeph. 3:17)
Bless you all!!

blogger's anonymous

So I had a dream two nights ago about blogging. How sad is that!?!?! Sad, as in retarded. I'm thinking I may need to go to a blogger addictions foundation!! In my dream (I believe this was the same day I posted cha cha cha) a few women from church (Yvonne, Erica..) were discussing my post about dancing and they agreed that they wanted God's freedom in dance and I think we even started planning a dance...I can't remember what else happened. It was quite funny, though. I haven't posted anything since that dream - I don't want to become addicted and have to give up this "habit" completely. Instead of AA I may need BA. If any of you know of any foundations or "care groups" to help me get through this.....just comment!!