truth be told

"Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you." Jeremiah 31:3 (NKJ)

Saturday, April 22, 2006

There is no longer a man sleeping on my porch

The police arrived early this morning around 1 a.m. They had seen this gentleman around before and said that he's non-violent, which made me feel better. They say that this sort of thing happens when the weather starts getting nicer.

When the cops got here they woke up the guy and asked him to leave. He sat up, started folding the blanket he was using (the one we keep on our couch) and he left without a fuss. Ahh...sweet...

So the drama of the night is over. Part of me doesn't want this man to come back. Part of me kinda hopes that he comes to sleep on our couch after everyone in the house is in bed and that leaves before anyone in the house wakes up because I feel sad for this guy. I would love to know that he has a place to sleep at night. I just don't want a strange intoxicated man sleeping at my doorstep. Lord, please provide for him.

There is a man sleeping on my porch.

Tonight a man wandered onto my porch while my roommate was sitting on our steps. He walked right past her and stood on our porch smoking his joint. I walked out of our house seconds later and asked him what he was doing. He said that he just wanted to sit on our couch. We ended up asking him to leave and he slowly (and somewhat pleasantly) stumbled down our steps.

Five minutes later this inebriated/high man came stumbling back only to see that we were still on the porch...he then left again. (It was still light outside at this point)

I went outside to get something at around 11:30 tonight and there was a figure lying on the couch on our porch with his head covered by our blanket, snoring. I went back inside, told the rest of the ladies and we decided to call the cops to see if someone could pick him up and bring him to detox; give him a place to sleep and get sober.

He seems to feel that he has some "right" to sleep here. He's started making this a routine. My roomies found him sleeping there two nights ago with the end of a joint lying on the ground. This makes me worried because a lot of my roomies come home late at night...and there's a strange, intoxicated man cutting some zzz's on our front steps.

Part of my heart is yelling "have compassion!" and the other part is screaming (a little more loudly than the first part) "KEEP YOUR BOUNDARIES!" What do you do when a strange, inebriated man is sleeping on your porch? I'm guessing he's got nowhere else to go... He's drunk (you can smell and see) and he was smoking a joint. I'm not scared because he seemed pleasant enough and I don't feel threatened, so to speak. But I do feel like he's invading my "safe space". This is my home, the place where I can put my feet up and not worry. This is the place that I want to be comfortable in and feel safe at all times. I want to be able to sit on my couch and not worry about having to kick someone who's drunk off of it. It's that constant wrestle of justice/mercy and boundaries all over again. Part of me wants to sit and talk with him about where he's at, how he got here...why he has nowhere else to go. My compassionate side would love to feed him and give him a place to sleep. Part of me doesn't want to have to deal with this. I want him to go away and not come back. It's not safe or good for a strange man to be sleeping on my porch, especially because there are 7 women who live in this house. Argh!

One of my biggest wrestles with justice/mercy is boundaries. And the fact that I'm a woman. I once took two men out for coffee and told them about Jesus and prayed for them. I ended up having to leave because one of the men started stroking my hand. It was not appropriate and made me completely uncomfortable. My heart desires to be able to reach these men, these people. But I'm not sure if it's fear, wisdom, boundaries or what that makes me keep my distance?!?

God I ask that you would be with this man. You know where he's been, You know where he's at and You know where he's going. I ask that You would give him a hope and a future. I ask that he would come to know you! Would you provide a house, a place to sleep and eat, a safe place for this gentleman. Amen.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

...So we looked at the house, drooled a bit and then continued on our way...
However, that's not all to the story of the beautiful house. Oh no.
The owner of the house, Ted, happened to mention another house that was up for rent...when I need it to's looks could be HOME...not just a house. I'm done with moving. I want to "settle" into a home. If I'm going to be here for a while (not sure how long a while is) I want to be settled and at home - in the spirit and physical. I know that this is all that I've been talking about on this blog lately (at least, that's what it feels like)...hopefully soon it'll be over with.

I was reading in Numbers today and came across a number things (haa haa - punn intended!)...including this:

"(Now Moses was a very humble man, more humble than anyone else on the face of the earth.)"


"When a prophet of the Lord is among you, I reveal myself to him in visions, I speak to him in dreams. But this is not true of my servant Moses; he is faithful in all my house. With him I speak face to face, clearly and not in riddles; he sees the form of the Lord. Why then were you not afrad to seak against my servant Moses?"

I really want to learn true humility. And at the same time I'm afraid of it. Our society has such a twisted view of what true humility is. But for Moses to have been called "more humble than anyone else on the face of the earth" saying something! I want to hear the voice of the Lord clearly. I want to see Him face to face. I will see Him face to face - if not now, then when He comes back!! I didn't focus on the cross, on the resurrection and on what it truly means as much as I would have liked this Easter. I think I may need to dwell upon it some more. I want to live out of the revelation of what Christ has done for me and how that effects my past, present and future.

The speaker in KC on Saturday night explained what it means to pick up your cross daily in a way that I had never heard before! It was life/mind changing! I always thought that picking up my cross kind of meant that I was picking up the cross of Christ. Never would I be able to carry the cross of Christ. The burden is too great. (I will never be able to have the right words to describe this so if it makes no sense...sorry) Jesus died so that God would once again have access to humanity. Through the blood of Christ we are made HOLY, PURE before the Living God. He now has access to our hearts, we are now worthy because of Jesus. (That in itself is incredible!) make a long sermon I search for the words...picking up our cross daily means coming before God and saying "Take all of me. Every part! Have complete access to every part of my mind, my heart, my soul, my spirit!" It means dying to self and allowing the Spirit of God fill every part of me completely. This understanding of what it means to pick up my cross daily is much more intimate, more painful, more possible, more piercing, more of a reality, more true and more holy. It scares me even more than the picture I had of carrying my cross, of working for my redemption daily. This understanding means that I cannot carry my own cross. I can only receive the work done for me by Jesus. I can only open myself up to God completely. For me, I see the utter ruin of myself. When I wake up in the morning, it means that I say yes to God completely filling me and I say no to my humanity. In a holy, God designed life of wholehearted abandonment. I see this...and I have a long way to go to get there...but I want to get there...

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

We're Back!

The trip to KC was wonderful!

The prayer room came to life for me. God spoke many things - confirmation, encouragement...

I love seeing my friend, Joyska, and her funny roommates! Thank you, Joyska, for letting me stay with you - you are soo generous!

(I gotta makes this quick)

If you guys could pray today, I am going to go and look at "the beautiful house I've been praying for" this evening. I called the guy up yesterday and a a few ladies and I are going to look at it and see if he wants us to live in his "beautiful house that I've been praying for"...there are a few things that would have to be "worked out" before we could move there...and it would have to be GOD for it to work out... I just really hate being in limbo about where I live. I want to find a place that I will love and call home for more than 5 months at a time...

I'll keep you posted.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

We arrived in Kansas City this morning safe and a little sickly. It was a pretty good trip down, besides the sickness in the form of the flu that overtook me. We took shifts during the night and, even with the detour in Canada and Northern USA, we arrived here at about 8:30ish.

We got here, spent some time in the prayer room, napped, didn't eat at all, was sick, and ended up in the healing rooms and, PRAISE THE LORD, I'm feeling way better!! I was so sick that I felt I was about to faint (hello black spells) and even lost my hearing for about 2 minutes...that's only happened to me once before. Makes me wonder....

Then I got to spend some good QT in the prayer room.

It's about 91 degrees F...HOT! I think that would be about plus 30 or so. Yea for summer!

Please pray that sickness stays far, far away from us. That we have some divine appointments, that we're refreshed and encouraged and that we can encourage. Please also pray for safety on the way home.


Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Kansas City Here I Come!!

Tomorrow I leave for Kansas with my friends Joel and Nathan. I'm really excited!!
Please pray for protection and safety for the ride to and from Kansas. We have to take a few detours because of flooding, etc.

It's going to be so good to sit and soak in the prayer room! I plan on spending most of my time seeking, soaking, praying and worshipping. Ahh what more could you ask for on vacation?

Gotta run. It's time to sleep...we'll be driving straight thru the night so I won't be getting a lot of shut eye in the next day or two.