The cost.

Jesus requires all of me. This is an exciting, overwhelming and scary thought. Am I cut out for this? Am I willing and able to give up my everything for Jesus? Yes! No. It's a struggle. I may be willing (sometimes) but I am definitely not able, not without the grace of God!
My brain sometimes rebels against my heart and tries to shove "earthly" logic down my throat telling me that I'm crazy for loving someone I cannot see, for hearing someone I've never audibly heard, for living my life for someone who "doesn't exist". This is a lie. I may be crazy (that's debatable) but God is real, he is speaking, he is tangible and not only does he exist but I'm living my life for someone who died to give me life!
When I think about the sacrifices already made in my life and the many more I'm sure that are to come I tremble at the thought. I hate loss. It is a foul four letter word. I go to God complaining and crying "woe to me" about the many forms that loss has crept into my life. God knows all about loss. He has experienced so much more loss than I could ever imagine! He gave His one and only Son to die for me! Jesus experienced so much loss on earth...those He loved betrayed Him, nailed Him to a cross and hated Him in return. (Still He loved them!!) This revelation hit me like a brick today as I was contemplating the next steps in my life. In all things I want to glorify God and bring honor to His Name! This will take sacrifice. Loss will be a part of this journey. There is such comfort in knowing that God is bigger than loss. He's bigger than my tendencies to hold on to people and things that I love! God is bigger and I will find more love in Him than in my awesome family and friends. (Jesus, bless my awesome family and friends!)
I'm taking a course on Christlikeness and this is just a part of what I was reading today:
"There is no shortcut to reaching the fullness of God's kingdom. It costs our all to obtain God's best. It takes us straight to the cross, then through it. At the cost of our self-life we find the devine life. To this we are called and challenged: to walk according to the gospel of
the kingdom!"
We are called to this! It costs our all! Just take a moment, though, to imagine the reward of seeing God's smiling face and hearing "well done! Good and faithful servant!" That will be an amazing day!
So, these days God has been telling me that I need to let go and stop holding, clutching, to people and things that are not Him. Instead of running to places of security and joy I need to first and foremost run into the arms of my Savior! In His arms I will find complete peace, joy, strength, fulfillment....LIFE!
Jesus, would you teach me how to run to you! I chose You! I say YES to You! Father, I give You my heart, my desires and plans. Would You lead me! God, when the sacrifices seem too great for me would I be willing and would You be able! Lord, the thought of potentially leaving this place and these people that I love makes me sad. Would You be my strength, my portion. I put my hope in You and not in the things of this world. Thank you, Father, that Your grace is sufficient for me. In You I lack nothing. I trust in You, Jesus. Lead me. I will follow.

all for you.
by Starfield

Nothing compares to/ Life I have in You/ Nothing of this world satisfies/ So, I want to let go/ I want to let You know/ All that I have to give is Yours// Here I am/ As gold to the fire/ I will surrender to Your hand/ To this place/ Lord, I have come ready for Your touch// It's all for You/ It's all for You/ I'm letting go/ I'm letting go// What is it in me/ That hangs on for so long?/ Why do I fight the tears that come?/ I work so hard to/ Keep in control when/ All that I want is to let go// I'll take this life/ And lay it down/ I'm letting go/ I'm letting go/ My hopes and dreams/ Here at Your feet/ I'm letting go/ I'm letting go// And I am ready for Your life/ And I'm ready for You now.