...So we looked at the house, drooled a bit and then continued on our way...
However, that's not all to the story of the beautiful house. Oh no.
The owner of the house, Ted, happened to mention another house that was up for rent...when I need it to be...it's cheaper...it looks beauty-full...it could be HOME...not just a house. I'm done with moving. I want to "settle" into a home. If I'm going to be here for a while (not sure how long a while is) I want to be settled and at home - in the spirit and physical. I know that this is all that I've been talking about on this blog lately (at least, that's what it feels like)...hopefully soon it'll be over with.

I was reading in Numbers today and came across a number things (haa haa - punn intended!)...including this:

"(Now Moses was a very humble man, more humble than anyone else on the face of the earth.)"

&

"When a prophet of the Lord is among you, I reveal myself to him in visions, I speak to him in dreams. But this is not true of my servant Moses; he is faithful in all my house. With him I speak face to face, clearly and not in riddles; he sees the form of the Lord. Why then were you not afrad to seak against my servant Moses?"

I really want to learn true humility. And at the same time I'm afraid of it. Our society has such a twisted view of what true humility is. But for Moses to have been called "more humble than anyone else on the face of the earth"...is saying something! I want to hear the voice of the Lord clearly. I want to see Him face to face. I will see Him face to face - if not now, then when He comes back!! I didn't focus on the cross, on the resurrection and on what it truly means as much as I would have liked this Easter. I think I may need to dwell upon it some more. I want to live out of the revelation of what Christ has done for me and how that effects my past, present and future.

The speaker in KC on Saturday night explained what it means to pick up your cross daily in a way that I had never heard before! It was life/mind changing! I always thought that picking up my cross kind of meant that I was picking up the cross of Christ. Never would I be able to carry the cross of Christ. The burden is too great. (I will never be able to have the right words to describe this so if it makes no sense...sorry) Jesus died so that God would once again have access to humanity. Through the blood of Christ we are made HOLY, PURE before the Living God. He now has access to our hearts, we are now worthy because of Jesus. (That in itself is incredible!) Soo...to make a long sermon short...as I search for the words...picking up our cross daily means coming before God and saying "Take all of me. Every part! Have complete access to every part of my mind, my heart, my soul, my spirit!" It means dying to self and allowing the Spirit of God fill every part of me completely. This understanding of what it means to pick up my cross daily is much more intimate, more painful, more possible, more piercing, more of a reality, more true and more holy. It scares me even more than the picture I had of carrying my cross, of working for my redemption daily. This understanding means that I cannot carry my own cross. I can only receive the work done for me by Jesus. I can only open myself up to God completely. For me, I see the utter ruin of myself. When I wake up in the morning, it means that I say yes to God completely filling me and I say no to my humanity. In a holy, God designed life of wholehearted abandonment. I see this...and I have a long way to go to get there...but I want to get there...