Today I fell in love.

It's only 9:30 in the morning and I am swooning!


He is sooo perfect. So handsome...beautiful, even. He's so peaceful. He's so warm and comforting. He's elegant. He's stable. He's rich. He's built on a good foundation. He's available (as of May 1st) and He's affordable.


"He" is my dream house down the street that I have fallen in love with and have been praying about for the last few weeks. Every time that I walk by it (which is about twice a day), I pray that God would give the owner of that home revelation that he needs to give me that house ; ) (hee hee).


As I was walking by this morning I saw the owner coming out of the house and I mentioned to him that he had a beautiful home. He invited me in for the grand tour and I have officially fallen in love!! The only down side is that he's not selling. But he is RENTING out this gorgeous house. And, need I repeat, it is gorgeous!


And here enfolds my dilema:


I have been thinking/dreaming about buying a house over the last few days. I have been paying rent for almost three years now and it seems that I'm throwing my money away every month. Buying a house would be good because I would be investing in something and I could build up equity.


Buying a house would also mean a crap-load of responsibility. It would mean that I would probably live in a more sketchy area of the city because I couldn't afford anything in a good area and if anything would go wrong, I'd have no idea what to do. It kinda freaks me out and I have always wanted to buy a house with someone - a.k.a my husband. It feels somewhat lonely and daunting buying one on my own. I also know that there's the possibility that I may never get married and so waiting for "someone" to buy a home with is ridiculous.


Renting means that I'm gaining nothing from giving my money away...but a place to live. And that is important! Many people pay rent for their entire lives. And when I think about eternity, paying rent or not owning a house is no biggy. There is less stress about renting and having a landlord then being the landlord.


However, I have wanted to live alone for quite some time. I like the freedom to do what I want when I want; to strum the wrong chords on my guitar with freedom, to pray loudly at 4:00 a.m., etc. Maybe I have some control issues that I need to deal with?? These issues are stretched when living in community because it's all about compromise. Maybe they should be stretched, maybe they don't have to be. Renting a bachelor would be about as much as renting this gorgeous home! Buying a house would mean that I would need a renter(s).


Renting THIS house (that I have fallen in love with!) would mean many things....I would be living with people, I would have a gorgeous, clean, new home, I would be paying quite a bit in rent and I would live in a great area. I could still walk to work and busing is pretty good. Paying more for rent may be totally worth it!


So I feel like I'm in a valley of decision making. I have felt this constant need to "move" over the last year. I've lived in three different places and will more than likely be moving in the next few months. I need wisdom. If there's one thing I want - above all else - it is to be at the centre of God's will. In all things, even the little things. So please pray that I would have God's wisdom. If it's time for me to buy a house, that God would provide THE house, the money and the confidence. If God is cool with me moving into this beautiful home that I have fallen in love with, that he would provide the right roomates and the security to do that, as well. I already have a "heads up" because the owner is not advertising for a while because the suite isn't quite finished. He gave me his number to call about renting). If God wants me to live on my own, that I would be able to find a good, affordable bachelor. (They can range between 4-6 hundred) If God has a completely different idea, that He would reveal that to me. Also, that I would be able to discern what I desire in this and how it fits into God's plan.



If you have any words of wisdom or get any revelation, please let me know. And now, it is time to work.


And, Jesus, would you please provide Sanctuary with a home. Bless you guys!