truth be told

"Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you." Jeremiah 31:3 (NKJ)

Thursday, December 30, 2004

cha cha cha...cha cha cha...shake your... ok. that's where it ends!

The Cha Cha. Salsa. Waltz. Tango. SWING and all that other good stuff. I love to dance! Yesterday I went to Ted Motika's (eesh, I dunno) dance studio in the Exchange. It was freakin' fun! I haven't danced, besides during worship at church, in what seems like forever! I took a 4 week (6 week?) swing class in the fall of grade 12 and had such a good time! I realize that part of me "comes alive", if you will, when I dance. I may not be the best dancer, and sometimes I do have two left feet - watch out boys!!, but I do love it!!!

Being Menno and all, it's taken a while to get used to the idea and actually partake in anything that involves moving the hips. In Steinbach the motto is "dancing is bad and leads to sex". If you don't want to ruin your reputation or be shunned - don't dance! If you don't want to have a baby and be faced with the shame of teen pregnancy - don't dance! If you are attending church and have been caught dancing the previous night - you will be scowled at and inadvertantly ignored. Now, in all seriousness, do know that I am blowing this way out of proportion! I find it hilarious, most of the time, that some people in my home town community actually believe this and that others blatantly and openly mock this mind set (as un-funny as it sounds).

However, a part of me really wishes that people would see the beauty in dance. Dance in this generation has become twisted, perverse, full of explicit sexual garbage and usually affiliated with some sort of inebriation, usually the alcohol type. Question: What would happen if the world saw dance, in it's true form, as worship to our Saviour, completely inebriated by His love! That would be beautiful. I'm sure there would still be many-a-skeptic but what an example of true worship that would be! I would love to be part of being an example/teaching/or however else God would want it to look/ to my generation about purity in dance. I really don't know how that would look or what it means but I know I have a heart for my generation and a heart for purity! God would you direct me, guide me, teach me and change me that I would be willing and ready to go where you lead! Lord, I want to be a part in revealing your mysterious and amazing love to people in my generation! I only want Your will! Teach me what it means to not only dance for you, but with you! I also pray for even more freedom in dance and expression for both men and women, the young and the old, in my church, country and all over globe. Raise us up to be a generation that seeks after Your face alone, no matter what that looks like. I will be a fool for you, Jesus, if that's what You ask. You don't call me foolish. You call me lovely. Amen.

(so get out there and shake your booty for Jesus!)

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

a radical existence

I want to live a life of radical existence. I don't want to be limited to what society thinks is proper or respectable. I want to be radical. I know the only way to be genuinly radical for my Jesus is to learn more about Him! I think God is stirring this life style of living in abandon for Him across the nations...I'm tired of being complacent. It's time to get off my butt and get into gear. This requires a lot of God's grace, for which I am truly thankful He gives freely! Jesus, would you teach me about living a radical existence. Would you show me what that means in my life and every day experience. I find my confidence, worth, strength, peace and joy in YOU!

These last two days have been heavenly - no work, lots of friends, lots of good! Last night a few of us went to pray at the St. Norbert Ruins. I have a little bit of "history", so to speak, at the Ruins and to go there and have the freedom to pray out loud and speak the Truth of God was amazing! Thank you, Lord, for your power and authority - it is the ultimate power and authority. Uncreated and unsurpassed. Align my heart with yours, Father!

So, on Monday night I got together with an awesome, wonderful and cool dude named Joel Agustin! He already wrote about this on his blog at so feel free to check it out there..he wrote in much more detail! He also rocks and has a lot of good to say...reading his blog has been an "on-line blessing"! (How corny can I get?!?!? Let's not go there.) We got together and hung out...then we wrote a SONG! I co-wrote my first song and I had a blast!! I've had a writer's block, so to speak, for the last year and a half and Joel encouraged me to write what was floating around in my mind and what was on my heart. (I will take authority of this block;) So I did. After I poured out the words on a paper we sifted and added and came up with this...

I Find Your Fire

I desire Your redemptive touch
A simple sign of Your love
How I need you Lord so much
Shower Your mercy from above

In You, I find peace
Because You're all I need
It was Your grace that set me free
Now I'm free indeed

Restore me, heal me, make me new
Refine me, save me, in Your truth
Only You can satisfy my every desire
In You Lord, I find Your fire.

by Joel Agustin and Stephanie Reimer

How flippin' cool is that!!! The fact that I wrote a song with someone! I'm so excited! Joel you rock! Thanks so much for presenting the opportunity to write together!! I loved it!!! We even have music to it..lovely piano done by Joel himself! I LOVE IT!! Bless you, Joel!

Well, I'm signing off! I hope you all have a safe and lovely evening!! I'm hanging with a greatly cool chick from the home town...good times! God bless and take care!
Lord, would you continue to teach us more about Yourself, Your love and Your radicalness...yes. Thank you for all that you have blessed me with Jesus! I trust in You! You are Great!

Saturday, December 25, 2004


Happy Jesus' birthday celebration called Christmas everyone!!! So, this day is almost coming to a close...and that's totally ok. It has come and gone and I'm still not in the Christmas spirit. That's ok, though. Gonna have to be. I've felt extremely anti-presents this year - didn't want to buy them, didn't want to receive them. Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely thankful for everything that I got (it was awesome) and I usually do love to give but this year I would have rather just not. I've been a little overwhelmed with anti-materialism feelings. I would have way rather done something for someone or given presents to those who didn't get any this year than to receive them myself. Do you ever get in those moods? You just don't want to be involved with getting more stuff, materials. There's something more to it than that. The retarded (but good) thing is that my family isn't that materialistic, either. We played it cheap and weren't even focused or concerned about the gift exchange why these strong anti- feelings?

On to a more happier and positive note: I had a good time with Jesus this morning. Sounds kinda funny, but o so true!! He's so good. One truth that rang out was that Jesus doesn't want performance - He wants our hearts. I "asked" Him what we should do that morning...and I felt like He was saying that we just need to "be". To spend time with Him and rest in His presence. I'm all for it!! Thank you, Father, for all that you've done! Thank you for sending your one and only Son to earth! You're so majestic! Teach me more about your simplicity and love. Lord, thank you that every good and perfect gift is from you!! I do pray against the hold of materialism in my life, but I also pray for joy and grace in giving and receiving. God, I receive the ultimate and most worthy gift that you have given, the gift of your salvation and love. Thank you for saving me. I love you, Jesus. You are so worthy of our praises! I love you!

Friday, December 24, 2004

Random ravings on the Eve.

So...I just sold my first "set" of paintings about 45 minutes ago!!! I'm so excited! My awesome roomie's friend asked me to paint a three-canvas pic for his parents (I mentioned it a few posts ago) and he came and picked it up today. It was this massive flower that started on the middle canvas and spilled onto the side canvas' on each side. He seemed to really like it!! I hope so! Thank you Jesus!! i like this game....

I hope everyone is having a great Christmas Eve. Blessings to all of you and your families!! God, I just thank you for sending your Son to save me. thank you for your grace!! You are brilliant in everyway! I'm having a birthday party with Jesus tomorrow and I'm flippin' excited!! I wish I had some streams...hey, I think I may have balloons! I don't think I've ever had a b-day party with God? It should be fuN!! I am alone on Christmas morn (which I'm not complaining about) and so I decided that we, God and I, would have a party-hardy!!

I'm off of work until Dec 29 - Praise Jesus! I'm so excited!!! Bless my co-workers, God, that they would see your goodness. That they would experience your presence for the first time this Christmas. Amen.

blessings to ya'll!!!

Thursday, December 23, 2004

(sigh) hmpf..arr....ahhh....inhale..exhale.

These are the sounds of the stirrings of my heart. Life is an inebriate quest in search for something larger than self and guided by the romancing hand of God.
(That's the only deep thing I have to say today...)

So, once again here I sit at my desk...I arrived at work at 7:45 this morning as a favor for the boiler man (who called me "da man" yesterday for being willing to come in early) so he can continue the work of fixing the boiler. I am so excited for heat!!! My hands seemed to be perma-frozen all day long. So, I had to walk a few blocks to get to my office and realized by the end of it that I was about in tears because my hands..ouch..were almost dead because of the cold. As I was walking I kept saying to myself *well, actually I said it out loud - but I don't think anyone heard to title me as a lunatic* "Thank you Jesus for my house! Thank you Jesus for my house!" I can't imagine what it would like to be homeless. I am so thankful for God's provision. God would you be with those who are cold. Would you be their warmth. Amen. Don't know what else to say about it besides the fact that sometimes I wonder about the sanity of us Winnipegers. Do we all have suicidal tendencies to want to live in this frigid place? ..drama drama drama ; )

So I had a freakin' fantastic sleep last night! It was only about 4 hours long but it was terrific! You know why? Because I had a sleepover with some really awesome peeps!! I have some lovely friends named Matt and Rachelle. They are a beautiful young couple who got married this summer and I absolutely love them! Matt, bless his heart, offered to sleep on the couch so Rachelle and I could have the bed. (I know, some of you may find this crazy. All you girls out there - I'm sure you understand!) They have a flippin' amazing bed! I lay down and pretty much didn't move all night!!!! I haven't slept that well for a long time and I have a pretty decent bed!! Rachelle, bless her heart, made my lunch for me this morning (I felt so pampered)!!! It weighs about two pounds but I know that I will not go hungry. Thank you Jesus for awesome friends such as these!!! It's so crazy the way life works out sometimes. I feel like I've known Rachelle for years, like a really long time. When, in reality, I only met her in March of last year at my best childhood friends funeral. I feel the desire to talk about this friend. I miss him. Adam and I were inseparable as kids. We were engaged at the young age of five and to this day he is the only boy I've ever kissed. (I don't really count this as an actual kiss because we were five and our sisters made us.) Yea Kristi, I'm talking about you. We were innocent little children until you and Erica came along.....hmpf. ; ) Adam and I did everything together. We played with his amazing train set, his light bright, and in his awesomely large sandbox! We went on many adventures through the jungle (a clump of trees on their yard) and I remember wanting to live in a tree house like the Swiss Family Robinson and wanting to ride large wild animals (Ostriches, I believe). I loved that guy so much! I didn't think that Christmas would bring back so many memories of him...but it is and does. I am so thankful for the friendship we had. Kay....sigh. So, I met Rachelle at his funeral because Matt (her hubby-to-be) is Adam's cousin. We used to play together as kids. Him and his cocker spaniel dog, Buffy. O Buffy! Through the pain of losing such an amazing friend God, in His Grace, has provided me with two more amazing friends! I love that Matt and I love that we can reminisce about our life with Adam. It's so good for the heart to just go back to those times occasionally. These are two amazing people who know how to love like Jesus and are so encouraging to me! Lord, would you bless them! You guys are wonderful and....great!!

God thank you for this day! Would you bless my friends. I pray that you will teach me more about what being a true friend really is. Bless the friends and family of Adam during the holiday season, God. Be with his parents. I pray that your peace and comfort would be so real to them in the midst of so much pain. I love you Jesus and I trust you, even in the times when I don't understand you or circumstances. Blessed be Your Name! You are so good!

Yo homes..don't freeze out there today!!

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Purity 'n Gangsta's

So, I was on the 29 Sherbrook bus yesterday evening coming home from work (I was working at the MB Clinic) when four little punk-gangsta's come striding onto the bus. I was sitting on the second last seat from the back of the old-school bus and these guys, being loud and unruly, come and sit down behind me. Now, keep in mind that these boys are between the age of 13-15. This one kid starts chatting me up from behind me and I had no idea what to do!! Number 1 - he's 13ish. Number 2 - he's being really inappropriate. He's 13!!! He's supposed to be playing Nintendo and drinking chocolate milk! He's not supposed to be riding the transit system with his little "gang" talking about vandalizing things and chatting up 19 year old girls...women. I sat there, not really responding to what he was saying until he tapped my shoulder and got right in my face saying something about "West side..yo" and other comments I won't repeat. I got right angry - I'm thinking it was a righteous anger. I wasn't mad at the kid..I was angry at the perversion and lust seeping through his words and actions. I had been praying since before they made their extravagant "entrance" but now it was time for serious prayer mode!!!! I leaned forward in my seat to put some distance between us and began praying in tongues under my breath. How good it is to have Jesus!! I don't know what I'd do without Him.
Anyway, the boys were getting off at my stop so I stayed on a stop longer and got off. As I was walking down Portage towards my next stop (blast those transfers!) I hear " hey, you girl.." and a number of other "cat calls". Since not very many people were around, I went into vocal prayer mode and began to pray out loud against the impurity in my/our generation. It sickens me. So, Father, would you come to this generation! Lord, that we would have clean hands and pure hearts!! Father...come, Lord, come. I pray against lust and sexual immorality in the Name of Jesus. Lord, would you fill me with your light in this dark world. Lord, purify me in every way! That I would not only desire purity for this generation (and myself) but that I would be an example, as well. Amen.

Monday, December 20, 2004

Girl's night....

I just got back from Girl's Night. My sister, Kristi, plans a night in which all of her girlfriends get together and go out for supper. It's so much fun! My sister is good like that - such an organizer and planner. She did an amazing job of planning her wedding, these monthly events and my non-existent wedding. Good times!
I love seeing people walk out in their giftings. It's a beautiful thing. Sometimes I wish I knew more clearly what my giftings are. I know some of the things I love to do...but I don't always feel like I'm good at them. For example, I was asked to paint a three-pieced canvas painting for a friend of a friend. It's a Christmas present for his parents. I have no idea who his parents are or what they like...etc. What to do?!? I love to paint. I'm not the greatest painter. Maybe I'm just afraid of rejection. It's like the image of a young child running to her daddy with a drawing she had worked on all day for him while he was at work. This was the best drawing she had ever done and she was so proud. She runs up to him when he walks in the door and he pushes her aside because he's too busy or tired or uncaring, even, to take the time to admire her work and give her due praise. I don't want to be rejected like that. I like to keep the things that are dear to me, where I find life, in secret with no chance of being rejected or abused. This is the risk of vulnerability. There's a quote by someone about..."it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all". The risk. Sometimes I'm afraid of risking my heart.
I wrote a poem in grade 12 for one of my english classes. It was titled "Painful Exposure". It was about fear of being seen for who I really was....part of it goes like this:
"We approach one another.
Our proximity is close
and our feet begin to move.
Move on.
With another.
Then to decide
I am Justus or Matthias?

Do I live my life fearing
painful exposure?
People see what they see
and are blind to the inside of me.
Secure reputation
Waiting to be dislodged
from its security.
After it has crashed to the floor
will there be anyone to pick it up?
Will they see the broken masterglass
and judge me or
will they be there to lead,

Will I live my life fearing
painful exposure?
It's a hindrance.
Broken potential, lives
because of fear.
Will it control or lose control?
Suction of sin
grabs at my soul
like mudd on a childs
yellow rubber boot.
Dispose of me,
set me free.
Can I fly or
will I fall again?
On my knees
trying to believe
that there's an element of hope.
The constant jests
that hold such truth
Makes me pause
Because I have not yet told you."

Wow. It was a freakin' long poem. Those are just a few random lines. I don't know if the lines even make sense on there own like that..oh well. I was so scared of being found out about who I really was. A wonderful Christian, loving daughter, sister and friend. But beneath the surface there is more to it than that. I was hurt and angry. I didn't know if people would accept me that way.
I know one thing - Jesus not only accepts me but he desires me still. In all my weakness and faults and fear and anger, He thinks I'm beautiful. Beauty for ashes.
Kay...I went way off topic! I started off with Girl's the heck did I end up here? Lord, I give you my fear of rejection and my insecurities. The ones that I struggle with now and the ones that haunted me as a child. They're yours and I lay them at your feet. You died that I might find freedom and redemption. Redeem this heart of mine where it has been trampled and hurt. Speak your truth - that it may be louder than any other thing. Dear Jesus, thank you for freedom! Raise me up, Father. I will walk in the confidence that I have as a child and l0ver of God. Amen.

Friday, December 17, 2004

mysteriously good in love.

I've been reading a book called The Sacred Romance by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge and I'm loving it! It took me a while to get into the heart of the book but it's wonderful!!
God is so mysterious in His love! Not in a way that's manipulative or misleading, but I just don't understand how God loves the way He does! It's beautiful and mind-boggling. I have so much to say about His's so intimate, selfless and refreshing. Before God even created the earth He had US in mind! "..had settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love....Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us.." (taken from Ephesians) It's amazing. I am so overwhelmed that I am involved in this romance of God's love!
What blows my mind even more is the fact that God does not demand that we be involved in this romance even though he is completely in love with us! "..we see in the first glimpse of God's wildness the goodness of his heart - he gives us our freedom." It's a choice. We can choose to be a part of his eternal love or we can choose not to be. This is so crazy because we know (to a point) the power of God. He is able to raise the dead, heal any type of pain and hurt but he does not make us love him. He desires us to love him out of our own free will. "The reason he didn't make puppets is because he wanted lovers."
Then Grace is introduced. "Here, at the lowest point in our relationship, God announces his intention never to abandon us but to seek us out and win us back." Even when we're not seeking him, he's constantly seeking us. God's grace is sufficient for us. That doesn't mean we have an excuse to sit back and be lazy knowing that he'll come to us. This Grace just removes the doubt of God's goodness. Not only is he love but he has grace for our weakness. God is good.
Thank you Jesus for your love! I pray, Lord, that you would begin to soften my heart even more to know your love and to love others. Empty me that I may be filled with you. You are so good, God. Thank you for your grace. Would you create in me a pure heart. I love you, Jesus. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! You are good, You are right, You are true and You are just. I love you!
Thanks for listening to me process on "paper". Have a blessed weekend everyone!!

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Chaos - and I'm having a blast!

Hey. It's chaotic at work today. I'm loving it! It's not that there are millions of clients coming in or that the phone is ringing off the hook....It's an internal chaoticism. Yeah. You see, in spring our boiler went on the fritz. We had some inspectors come in and assess the situation. Turns out that the boiler kept shutting off because the safety button that prevented the boiler from blowing up would go off. Hallelujah! We are alive! So, we had some frigid moments in spring and because we have a very cheap landlord, who did not want to fix the boiler until he found out it was covered by insurance, we also had some freakin' cold moments this fall and winter. Including today. I sit here with no heat, our doors wide open to the elements and public on Portage. But, like I said, I'm enjoying the chaos of the mess, the crazy tarp they've covered our floors with to haul all of the dirty equipment around and all of the unfamiliar faces that keep walking by! Wow! Life is good and strange. I am excited for the days of heat and closed doors, though.
I am also really pumped about tonight. It's Wednesday and we usually have housegroup but because of Christmas and the arrival of Matt Wiebe (Tony's, one of the housegroup leader, brother) - wait that's not a negative on his arrival. It's a good thing!! Welcome home for the holidays, Matt!!! - a few of us housegroupies are going skating at the forks and then to the wonderful abode of Christina's house where we will be treated like royalty and drink I'm-sure-to-be amazing home made hot chocolate! Christina, you the bomb, baby!!! I haven't gone skating on skates (usually stick with the boots or shoes, much safer and cheaper) in forever. It shall be interesting. Balance is usually a difficult thing on a good day...It shall be fun, indeed! Well, the chaos has subsided (they closed the front door) and I shall resume my role as admin/receptionist. Good day and to all a good night!

Monday, December 13, 2004

work. Just as it sounds.

Howdy. So, I'm at work but on my lunch break. Usually I take this blessed time to LEAVE the work environment and go for a walk. I'm feeling lazy today, it doesn't help that it's minus 32 with the windchill!!!!, so I decided I would take it easy. I am feeling the need to get out and about for a few minutes. I think that was just a contradiction....I'm confusing myself. Yeesh.
Work. I don't love this word. It sometimes makes me cringe. I really wish I totally enjoyed my job. Not so much this time around. It's ok, though. A good many things are learned in places such as these (I keep telling myself this ; ) Well, I'm literally going to run - or walk very quickly - out the door and into....the wonderful world of Portage Avenue! I hope you're all having a great day!
Signing off. Have a blessed Monday everyone!

Saturday, December 11, 2004

Blessed alone time!!!

I need my alone time. If I don't have alone time I go CRAZY! Today was my alone day and I have had such a good time doing whatever I felt like doing....spending time with Jesus (which was so needed!!)'s been amazing! It had been quite a few weeks, at least three - I think since the middle of November(?) - since I've been home for an extended period of time, besides sleeping. I woke up this morning and started what seemed like a trillion loads of laundry and then relaxed. I didn't have to wake up to an alarm clock, I didn't have anyone to entertain and I had no agenda (until 5 o'clock, that is). It was beautiful! I had such good God time. Singing words that you actually mean has such an impact. I love hearing a song and being able to completely agree and relate to the words!!! I don't mean to advertise, but I did play Yvonne's cd a lot today and just worshipped with it. I felt like I was right at home at my church. I love the Winnipeg Centre Vineyard, just to let everyone know!!! Then I got to read my Bible and actually take the time to understand what I was learning. I "studied" Psalms 23 and 24 for quite a while. Such good words of hope and truth. I love it! God is so good to us!
Then there's the subject of my bathroom. Since I haven't been home for quite a few weeks and the roomie left for her parents house at the end of last bathroom, house in general actually, has been sorely neglected. I spent about an hour scrubbing my bathroom from top to bottom. Man!! Does it feel great having a clean bathroom! I love it!
So, that was kind of my day. Sleeping in till 9-9:30 ish, spending time with God and cleaning my house and clothing. Not a bad day, if I may say so myself! it's time to simplify the schedule and have at least one of these days/evenings a week. Mmm.. the sweet sound of simplicity. Jesus, thank you for taking the time for me...I desire and choose to take more time for you. Amen!

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

I am not dead.'s been a while! Yes, I am alive!!!
So, i'm blogging at work right now...bad, Steph, bad. Oh well.
God is good all of the time. I've been learning over the last few weeks how constant God is. He's always there, always with us. Even when we push him away he's still constant. Thank goodness I'm not feeling distant...because those times suck. I'm just so thankful for his grace. Well, I hope everyone (the two people - Kristi and Shane) who checks this blog has a super-fantastically blessed day!
peace. yo.